Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She told me I should be a condom model.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
