Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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