Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
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btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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