she was so not down for the gang bang
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
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Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma