this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?