im about as happy as oj after his trial
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?