The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
