I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
