I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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