he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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