I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
