Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
