Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
