Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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