didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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