No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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