At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
