im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
its liver damage thursday
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
