i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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