Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Do you have swine flu?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  Pigs, yes. Swine, no.

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  (202): Do you have swine flu? (1-202): I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine. (1-202): Pigs, yes. Swine, no. http://tfl.nu/dq8y
  Replies (1) Good night (448) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.

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  (514): Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"? (1-514): Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan. http://tfl.nu/v19o
  Replies (5) Good night (2430) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.

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  (630): i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag. http://tfl.nu/wsec
  Replies (14) Good night (2626) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award

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  (818): Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award http://tfl.nu/89h0
  Replies (10) Good night (1092) Bad night (3748) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing

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  (203): we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing http://tfl.nu/99kd
  Replies (17) Good night (10681) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

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  (602): so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes. http://tfl.nu/egav
  Replies (28) Good night (7976) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1

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  (347): I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1 http://tfl.nu/kfm1
  Replies (5) Good night (2089) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis

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  (707): Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis http://tfl.nu/prx7
  Replies (5) Good night (779) Bad night (2592) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro

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  (914): He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro http://tfl.nu/3g5k
  Replies (4) Good night (1065) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you

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  (602): All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you http://tfl.nu/oj33
  Replies (7) Good night (1697) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.

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  (620): We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night. http://tfl.nu/jjc7
  Replies (8) Good night (851) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub

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  (334): What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub http://tfl.nu/it3y
  Replies (4) Good night (993) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Does he think you're psycho?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Officially...... yes.

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  (405): I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new. (1-405): Does he think you're psycho? (405): Officially...... yes. http://tfl.nu/uyur
  Replies (8) Good night (1315) Bad night (287)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times

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  (573): You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times http://tfl.nu/9yzl
  Replies (6) Good night (639) Bad night (205) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.

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  (360): A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy. http://tfl.nu/2450
  Replies (4) Good night (1186) Bad night (230) Order T-Shirt

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