I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.