Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
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I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.