i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more