before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?