I wish I could punch you in the face.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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