so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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