I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
