If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
