chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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