I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
