Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
