that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
