she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
