I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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