Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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