I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
only you would photoshop your dick
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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