ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
