my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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