Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
is it fun? or sober?
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