check it out our google latitudes are spooning
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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