Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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