I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
