paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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