Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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