Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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