my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
