Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
