she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
