for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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