first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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