and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
