i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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