and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
