when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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