i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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