Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
