and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
