i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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