just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
