i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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