remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
