Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just want to make out with him forever
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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