so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Someone shattered a urinal.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.