do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize