Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.