i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...