I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
