You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
