I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
