Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
