you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just invented taco cereal.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
