my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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