Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
