I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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