She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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