I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
