Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
