Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Small penises have feelings too.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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