good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
