I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
