Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
