We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
