Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
