Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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