Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
